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Entry #244

6 months.

10/1/12 by kiljoy96
Updated 10/1/12

Half a year. Huh. I've been clean for half a year. Nothing feels different. I guess it's good I got clean, drugs cost too much and I don't really have time for it anymore. It wasn't a struggle or anything, I just stopped doing something I liked. I guess it's different for those who have their whole lives consumed by drugs, but it was just something I did occasionally because I was bored.

It all started when I was 12. My older friend and I shared a beer from the fridge. I was a bit tipsy, due to me being ~90 pounds and drinking more than 3/4 of the beer, but I wasn't full out drunk. I had a few drinks between then and 14, then I became almost a full out alcoholic last winter/spring. September of my freshman year, I had my first joint (or 2) with the older friend I drank with and one of our other friends. I wasn't an idiot (well, an idiot to the ways of smoking. I was probably an idiot for doing drugs.) so I did get high. It was one of the best times I can remember. I didn't do any more weed after that for about a year. I just drank and smoked two or three cigarettes. I didn't really like cigarettes, I just smoked them when I was freaking out about something. I met a friend in high school. He was a terrible influence on me. I was a terrific influence on him. He got me more in to drugs, I got him more in to music and academics. If it weren't for me, he would have dropped out at age 16 and just have been a druggie. I inspired him to learn the bass guitar and he got really in to philosophy and sociology. We were best friends. We drank every time he came over, which was maybe 3 or 4 times that freshman year. The most memorable one was around Halloween. We went to our local amusement park with 4 other friends. After that, my best friend and I went back to my house. We got drunk (at this point, I was strictly doing hard liquor like vodka, whiskey, etc).

Then, January of freshman year, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. That was probably one of the worst possible things that could have happened to me because it got me interested in painkillers. I was given Oxycodone to treat the pain because I also had an adult tooth that never grew in hanging in my jaw that needed to be removed, so my mouth was nearly taped shut after the surgery. Oxycodone is soluble in water. When I took it, I became euphoric. Also, I was about 100 pounds at this point (down from 110 because I couldn't eat), so I was getting a lot out of the Oxy. It just made me feel so great. I felt weightless and happy. It was so great. It was also perfectly legal because it was prescribed to me. Then blah blah blah, alcohol, then sophomore year. That is when I started doing weed regularly. That was also the year I had a 4.0. Although it may sound like I'm saying weed is perfectly fine, it isn't. I could definitely tell that it was messing with my memory. My mind felt cloudy for about 3-5 days after I smoked weed every time. It definitely does mess with your mind. Not much else to say here, other than it made me many friends and gave me some great times that I will remember (however cloudy) for the rest of my life. I also got increasingly angry and cynical, especially towards figures of authority. That may have also just been part of me being a teenager.

I would have kept going if I wasn't stopped. My ex and I (both aged 15 at the time) had seriously considered heroin, meth, and acid. We would have probably done them too, if we could have found them. The hardest drug I did was Oxycodone. I didn't care, I was just a teenager pissing time away until my adult life started.

I still maintained a 3.5 cumulative gpa in my first two years of high school (3 in 9th grade because I didn't care and 4 in sophomore year because I needed it), scored a 30 on the ACT halfway through sophomore year with no special preparation, and got accepted into this 2 year early entrance to college program, all while I was on a steady diet of weed, alcohol, anorexia, and pills. I'm still looking forward to being able to drink again (legally, this time). Only 5 years until that can happen because go America.

Oh, and college is easy.
This is the song I listened to on repeat while writing this.


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LightLight

11/2/12

You're very smart.